BATTLESHIP DESTROYS YOUR HOPES

Details

Published on Friday, 18 May 2012 16:32

The aliens invade, one ship crashing and wiping out Hong Kong and within minutes they've hoisted the ship out of Hong Kong bay, tested the composition of the metal determining its not of this world, reinforcing what the audience all ready knew. The aliens are coming, the aliens are coming...

Meanwhile, in the short few minutes it takes China to complete the tasks above all the world is talking invasion but no one takes a moment to tell the Navy.  Taylor Hitsch (Who also starred in the equally bad John Carter earlier this year) stars as the black sheep of the family who turns from zero to hero and saving the world. Yippee!

There's endless morphing of objects one can't make out into huge objects one can't make out accompanied by a thundering soundtrack in what I figure was an attempt to cover up the wooden dialogue.

Rihanna makes her motion picture debut with Battleship but her character seemed cast as a woman solely to make sure there isn't any homoeroticism felt by its target audience. A dumbed down crowd of college aged boys. Through explosions and sinking ships, running and being thrown Rihanna hangs onto her cap which must have held on her hair weave. Hitsch's neck hair changes from shot to shot mysteriously coming and going further added to this disaster of a disaster film.

Usually I have something good to say but I can't find anything here. I'm throwing my hat into the ring and putting Battleship into The Worst Movie of the Year category. Do yourself a favor, if you want action go to The Avengers even if you seen it all ready and like rats flee this sinking ship.

Rated PG-13 by the MPAA for sequences of violence, action and destruction.

Running time: 131